Usually at this time of year, I feel some kind of sentimentality about the whole spring season and end of another school year. However, for the first time--really, ever--I don't really feel that kind of nostalgia that usually overtakes me. I realize that it's the ending of another era: 3rd year is gone, 4th year is coming. Why don't I feel different?
Maybe it's like that day-of-your-birthday feeling that you usually get, basically where you don't feel any different at all. Everything has changed: you're a year older; but for whatever reason it usually feels like every other day. This is about how I feel at this point in my life.
If anything, instead of pouring over the past, I'm more sternly focused on the future... which in all cases makes this "ending" of the year seem obsolete. I'm going to New Mexico for Archaeology at the end of the month for 3 weeks; I'm turning 21 in July; and another FTP and football season is around the corner (115 days left!). I feel like the ending of this year, although it was a milestone in my development, it isn't something to mourn the loss of--it is only a point in which to step off into the unknown and new experiences.
So, however cliche it sounds, this it not an end, but a beginning. I know that although my cousin Chris is graduating along with many of my friends (like HILARY!!! DAMN YOU FOR LEAVING ME SO SOON!), I will not cry like a baby as I have at every other graduation ceremony I've ever been to. Graduation merely means the beginning of a new adventure for every person that leaves this university, and I wish each of them all the luck in the world. I mean, for crying out loud, they'll have a degree from UC F***in' Berkeley. I'm sure each and every one of them will be fine come to think of it....
All in all, I'm really nervous and excited for the coming weeks. And although I love the whole yearbook-signing vibe this time of year gets, I'll be better off living in the moment and looking ahead rather than dwelling in any way on the past. The past is done with. It must be revered, but never more, lest the present and future be neglected.
and as always, GO BEARS!
Yeah, we'll all be fine in some sense. Haha.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm coming back if at the worst justification its because I want another football season and at the best its because there is more left to do before I enter the "real world" and get a job.
I usually get depressed this time of year because you lose that security of classes and familiar faces.
Oh by the way this is Googs. And that last sentence (above comment) was meant to say:
ReplyDelete"Do you ever get depressed this time of year because you lose that security of familiar classes and familiar faces?"
Hahaha Googs. I never get depressed this time of year. The point of life is to make mistakes and then make changes to make them better. I know for a fact that whatever I have coming up is going to be better than what I did this semester. to hell with familiarity. Thats how people get stuck doing the same thing for 50 years.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I feel the "real world" vibe, but for me it's more like something I can go out to adventure instead of something I have to do at this point. I'm actually really excited about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, I don't usually get depressed during this time of year, because the lack of classes and social pressures leaves room for more projects that I can do by myself. For example, reading for pleasure, making bracelets, working on this and other blogs, and going on trips places. I love Spring and summer because of that. :)
Oddly, I agree about not feeling more sentimental than usual about the end of the year, even though I'm graduating. Maybe because I still haven't admitted to myself that it's real, which is why I'll still be living in Berkeley next year....
ReplyDeleteAnd I really love that last paragraph. :)
you mean the go bears, Doc Awk? Because that's my favorite part too :P
ReplyDelete