Ever since I've been home, it's felt more like high school. But in a good way, kinda. See, I've been looking at all my old stuff, figuring out who I USED to be, and seeing how much I've changed. I'm MUCH smarter than I used to be, for one thing. And I also know that things will never be the same.
I think that's one of the hardest things to realize, and keep myself from going to: the past. Things have happened, there's nothing I can do about it, it's just who I am. However, there's no reason why I should try to go back to what I was, or who I hung out with, or who I liked. It's in the past. There are many people I love in this world, but there is no reason to go chasing after things or people that I'd tried and failed to chase before.
On a lighter note, what's made me thing about this are all the diaries that I have at home. I've written in something like 10 diaries since I was 7 or 8 years old. I only finished one of them, and all of them pretty much have the same theme: boys. Not gonna lie, I've had a crush or two in my day. Looking back, I was naive and silly, and really didn't know anything about my feelings. Now, although still confused about what I feel sometimes, I know I have a better bearing on how to act and what to feel. I'll leave it at that.
What I mean about when I say "I'm smarter than I was", is that I understand things on a much deeper level than I did when I was 16 years old (or younger). For example, I'm reading The Secret Life of Bees right now, and I honestly don't remember the story AT ALL for what it's worth. I remember things that happened in the book, but I don't remember any of its meaning. The themes of motherhood and breaking free are so apparent when I read it now, but I had no idea what bees had to do with anything back in the day. Sorry Mrs. Wanket (my sophomore English teacher), I get it now!
Anywho, on a side note, I'll be pulling quotes from The Oxford Dictionary of Quotes for post titles from now on. Hope you like the ones I chose :)
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